Do you have problems with map-reading? (And what that’s got to do with raising kids)
Imagine I invited you for a sight-seeing adventure around Zurich!
Your starting point would be the main train station at Bahnhofplatz, and you'd embark on a wonderful walk through the city. You’d stroll along Bahnhofstrasse, wander down Schützengasse, and eventually finish your tour at Postgasse. To guide you, I’d hand you a map with your start: point A, and your finish: point B clearly marked.
Excited, you begin your journey, but soon you notice something strange.
Bahnhofstrasse isn’t where it should be on the map—it’s on the opposite side of the train station! Confused, you continue, only to find that Schützengasse seems to have mysteriously disappeared! You look around, growing frustrated. “What is going on?!” you think, “Am I losing my sense of direction?”
Eventually, you call me to say something is off. That's when I realize—oops! I gave you the wrong map. Instead of a map of Zurich, I gave you a map of Bern! No wonder you couldn’t find your way!
This little scenario is a wonderful way to illustrate how each of us sees the world:
through our own unique "maps." These maps, as Stephen Covey calls them, are our paradigms—the mental filters that shape our view of life.
So why am I sharing this?
Because just like we all have our own personal maps guiding us, our children also see the world through their own set of “life maps.”
As parents, we often get caught up in our own to-do lists, routines, and priorities. Meanwhile, our kids have their own way of seeing the world, with their own maps guiding their actions, thoughts, and behaviors.
And this is where misunderstandings and frustrations can arise.
Picture this: You’re rushing to get the kids out the door to make it on time for nursery, kindergarten or school, but your child is deep in thought, fixated on a speck of dust on the window (Montessori calls this fascination with the smallest of things, the "Sensitive Period for Tiny Details" - present in our kids in the first 6 years of their lives).
Or maybe you're urging them to finish breakfast because "surely, they can’t be full yet!" but their little body is saying, "Not another bite." (this is their way of asserting themselves and taking control of one of the few things they can control in the world around them - their body...)
Or after a long day, when you see a meltdown happening, you might see it as defiance, but your child is trying to tell you, "I need a hug. I'm thirsty. I’m exhausted."
Next time you feel that frustration bubbling up over your child’s "misbehavior," try this: pause, take a breath, and imagine their map.
What are they trying to tell you through their actions that they can’t yet say with words?
Our children’s behavior is a form of communication, and it’s up to us to listen, tune in, and sometimes change our own perspective. When we take the time to understand their map, we can bridge the gap and strengthen our connection.
Wishing you all a week of playful exploration and deeper connection with your little ones and I cannot wait to see you soon!
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