STOP your own negative self-talk (and you will raise a more successful child)
Are you unconsciously teaching this to your child?
"I’ll never succeed."
"I’m so silly—I never get anything right."
"Why can’t I be as good as them?"
"I’m overreacting—I shouldn’t feel this way."
"I don’t deserve this."
"I’m not interesting/smart/good-looking/beautiful/ good enough..."
We all engage in self-talk—those internal dialogues we carry with ourselves daily, often without even noticing. Unfortunately, studies show that much of it is negative and self-sabotaging (which not only affects mental health but also leads to decreased motivation, lower performance levels, and increased likelihood of giving up in the face of challenges)...YIKES!
What’s remarkable is that many of these negative thoughts originate in childhood, especially during the first six years of life, which Maria Montessori called the First Plane of Development. During this time, early interactions with caregivers, teachers, and peers shape the internal voices we carry into adulthood.
In this critical time of development, children form unconscious memories that will stay with them throughout their lives. Daniel J. Siegel refers to this as implicit memory, Maria Montessori called it the Absorbent Mind, and psychologists today describe it as the subconscious — a powerful force that shapes our behaviour and self-image.
This week, I wanted to invite you to draw attention to your own self-tak and also the way you talk to your child and give you 4 tools you can utilize to develop more positive internal dialogues, thereby promoting healthier, more resilient behaviours in yourself and your kids.
Here are four simple ways you can help your child develop a strong sense of self-worth and a resilient "can-do" attitude:
Model Positive Self-Talk: Let your child hear you speaking kindly to yourself. Say things like, "Oh dear, I made a mistake, but that’s okay. I’ll learn from it."
Acknowledge Effort, Not Just Outcomes: Celebrate the effort your child puts into tasks, not just the results. "You can be so proud of yourself - just look at how hard you worked" helps them value persistence over perfection.
Create Empowering Routines: Include affirmations or positive sayings in your daily routines. For example, each morning you could say, "Today is a great day - full of possibilities! And I am going to give it my BEST!"
Stop using negative words and expressions, such as "NO!", "Don’t!", " You cannot do that". Our children are in a phase of experimenting with their bodies and the environment around them to better understand how they fit in. Set up your surroundings in a way that will allow your child to safely take risks and explore.
When I think back to all the times I heard "Oh, you only got an A-, why not an A+?" or "You are the older one, you should know better and be responsible", "Oh you silly-billy" and other fun expressions, I recognise now that instead of encouraging me and building me up, the message I was really hearing was "Why aren’t you perfect?" - and that follows us into adulthood....
How life would be different if instead we heard "You worked so hard - you can be proud of what you achieved - now lets think how we can do it even better next time!"
Know thy self and you will raise a better human being
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