Here's why your child isn't listening (Avoid these words at all cost!)

Mags from Academicus
3 days ago
3 min read

Updated: 2 days ago

Have you ever asked your child to do something — maybe put on their shoes, tidy up their toys, or sit down and colour — and felt like your words just vanished into thin air? POOF!

Nothing you say seems to work: the nagging, the incentives, the threats… and yet the request still doesn’t land. Frustration mounts. You sigh. You raise your voice again. Still: nothing.

Then you try something different.

You say: “Come, let’s do it together.”

You begin doing the task alongside your child.

Amazing: your child stops. Their eyes drift to you. They watch.

And next thing you know, they begin to join in.

Shoes come on. The toy box opens. A crayon is picked up.

What happens here isn’t magic. It’s simple, but profound: children observe.

And then they act.

The “Children See, Children Do” campaign reminds us in vivid (and shocking) ways that it isn’t our words that hold the greatest power for our little ones — it’s our ways of being, our doing, our every‑day example.

Why the young child’s brain struggles with “just do what I say”

When we think about children aged 0‑6, we often assume that a clear instruction should be enough.

But neurologically, young children’s brains are wired differently than ours. Their capacities for following spoken instructions are still developing.

Following a command involves:

1) hearing it,

2) understanding it (receptive language),

3) paying attention,

4) holding parts in working memory,

5) sequencing them,

6) then executing.

Phew! That is quite a lot for one simple instruction. For young children this is a tall order.

Meanwhile, observational learning — seeing someone do it first — is a powerful and more innate route.

In fact, children’s brains have been shown to activate mirror‑neuron systems when they observe actions, linking “seeing” and “doing”.

(And yes, babies do this too! Have you ever tried sticking out your tongue at a newborn? A few moments later they are also poking their tongue out at you!)

Photo credit: Kati Schneider, KatiPhotography

And so we arrive at this key insight:

A young child’s brain will tell them to observe first, then mirror back what it has seen.

Verbal commands, in contrast, are secondary. They don’t yet carry the full weight of “come and do this now” for a child who is still developing the capacity to translate words into concrete action.

What this means for how you engage with your child

So next time you want your child to do something, follow these simple 4 steps:

Lead by example and do it collaboratively (at the beginning at least).
When you invite your child: “Let’s get our shoes on together,” you are modelling the action. You are scaffolding their participation. The campaign reminds us: children see you, and then they do.
Give simple instructions and speak slowly and clearly.
Recognise that children may need extra time to process spoken language and translate it into action. One instruction at a time, clear phrasing, minimal words — this aligns with what we know about young brains.
Counting to 5 helps before you repeat your request.
Giving a brief pause after your statement allows the child a moment of stillness, observation and internal processing. Combined with your modelling, this pause gives them space to join you rather than feel rushed.
Keep your cool.
When things don’t happen instantly, it’s tempting to escalate. But from the child’s perspective they may still be processing, observing you, and calibrating their next move. Staying calm models the behaviour you want: mindful, connected, engaged.

And remember: Children See. Children Do.

By shifting from “You must do this” to “Let’s do this together”, you align with how their brain is wired.

You become the model. You provide the movement. You give the simplicity. And in that space, your child moves from being a passive resistor to a curious participant.

These little shifts matter. They change the energy from frustration to collaboration, from nagging to inviting, from “why won’t you listen?” to “yes, let’s do this together”.

We parents have the power to make our influence positive. Because when we show our children how to be, they will mirror our doing.

And in case you are dying to see the shocking campaign, I have linked it below: