What happens when you spend 3 hours in pitch darkness?

Mags from Academicus
46 minutes ago
3 min read

We were sitting in complete darkness—real, disorienting darkness—the kind that makes you suddenly aware of every tiny sound: the soft clinking of cutlery, the distant hum of strangers’ conversations, the quiet breath of the person you love sitting right in front of you.

For our anniversary, we had chosen the famous Blinde Kuh restaurant in Zurich, the place where sight disappears so that everything else—taste, sound, touch, words—comes sharply into focus.

As we held hands across the table, my husband broke the silence.

"But I keep doing all these things for you," he said gently. "I make you coffee in the morning, I fix your bike when the tires are flat…"

In that moment, in the dark, I could hear the earnestness in his voice more clearly than ever before. Acts of service - his invisible, everyday gestures - were his way of saying I love you.

That's when I realised - the way that he expresses love and the way that I express love are very different indeed. And since we became parents our ways of expressing appreciation have changed and evolved.

And likely, the way you express your appreciation to your spouse has changed since you've had kids too. You know, how BC (before Children), on your way to bed you would tell each other lovingly: "Sweet dreams, my darling, sleep well" And now it's more of a "good luck"?

And yes, it turns out that there are different ways of expressing love. FIVE to be exact.

The concept of "Five Love Languages" was introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, and it says that each person has a primary love language through which they most effectively give (show love to someone) and receive love (when you feel most loved by someone).

These love languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation: Giving compliments, words of appreciation, encouragement, or kind and supportive statements.

2. Acts of Service: Doing things for the other that you know they would appreciate, such as cooking a meal, doing household chores, running errands.

3. Receiving Gifts: Some individuals feel most loved when they receive tangible gifts.

4. Quality Time: Giving your undivided attention, engaging in meaningful conversations, or participating in activities together.

5. Physical Touch: Physical affection by way of hugging, holding hands, kissing.

When it comes to our children:

It is important to speak to them using all 5 love languages: it helps them understand that there are many ways of feeling loved and appreciated.

It also boosts their bond with you, teaches them about their own worth & self-esteem, develops their emotional & cognitive skills, helps with self-regulation.

When it comes to us, parents:

Understanding our own love language (and our partner’s!) is a form of conscious parenting. It helps us communicate better, reconnect after the chaos of early parenthood, and understand why we sometimes feel unseen or misunderstood — even when our partner is “doing so much.”

It also helps us set healthier boundaries with our children and respond from a place of awareness rather than exhaustion.

If you are curious about your own love language, here is the link to take Dr. Chapman's quiz: https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language Have fun!

Here's to raising smarter, more confident & resilient children - and more often than not, it starts with us.

Your Partner in Parenting-Success,