There is one thing you need to do to STOP Bedtime Battles (and Bluey can tell you)

“Upstairs for bedtime!” calls Chilli, Bluey and Bingo’s mum (you know, from the cartoon "Bluey" - about the Aussie dog family).

At that precise moment, the girls dart away.

“Oh, here we go,” dad Bandit sighs, rolling his eyes as he follows his daughters out onto the verandah (that’s Australian for “patio,” in case you’re wondering;).

As they stand there saying goodnight to the animals, Bluey sighs dreamily:

“I wish I was a fruit bat.”

What she’s really saying, of course, is:

“I wish I didn’t have to go to sleep.”

The Bedtime Paradox

Before having kids people often say:

“When the baby arrives, it’ll just adapt to our lifestyle."

And then baby arrives. And guess what? Reality hits.

Turns out: children do not bend to our rhythms 

— instead, we learn to follow theirs.

As Dr. Maria Montessori wrote over a century ago:

“Follow the child. Let them show you what they need to do, where they need to go, and how they need to develop.”(The Absorbent Mind, 1949)

Of course, this doesn’t mean permissiveness. It means attunement — observing, understanding, and responding to our child’s developmental needs. In modern psychology, this is called responsive or attuned parenting (Ainsworth, 1978; Schore, 2015). It’s the delicate dance between structure and sensitivity — and bedtime is where this balance is most tested.

Why do kids “fight sleep”?

You’ve probably been there:

• Your baby thrashes and resists, refusing to let go and give in to sleep

  (my own baby, now 7months old, gives the performance of his life, rocking, pushing up, rolling - for 30min before he finally doses off).

• Your toddler starts jumping on the bed, suddenly wide awake.

• Your older child remembers every single detail of their day right as you turn off the lights.

Why do they do that? Well, there are a few reasons for it:

1️⃣ Physiological

In the evening, as cortisol (the stress hormone) drops and melatonin (the sleep hormone) begins to rise, many children experience a brief surge of dopamine and adrenaline — especially if they’re overtired or overstimulated. This manifests as a sudden “second wind.”Research from the National Sleep Foundation (Mindell & Williamson, 2018) confirms that overtired children often appear hyperactive rather than sleepy, making bedtime a paradoxical struggle.

2️⃣ Emotional

Bedtime also means separation — from their parents, their safe base, and their world of play. According to attachment research (Bowlby, 1969; Schore, 2015), separation from the attachment figure can trigger stress in young children. They cling, stall, or resist because they are trying to prolong connection, not because they are “being difficult.”

Learning to fall asleep independently — to let go — is a developmental skill that takes the entire first six years of life to mature.

3️⃣ Developmental Drive (Montessori’s “Horme”)

Maria Montessori introduced the concept of horme — the child’s innate life energy and drive to explore and act.

“It is this vital force, this energy, that drives the child to act, to know, to master his environment.” (The Absorbent Mind, 1949)

That same inner drive that compels your child to touch, explore, and discover also resists being shut down. Bedtime feels like the end of their explorations — and their horme is still very much alive.

The role of boundaries: safety through structure

If this powerful inner drive isn’t guided by clear boundaries, it can spiral into tears, frustration, threats, and guilt — for everyone involved.

Children are not comforted by total freedom; they are comforted by knowing where the edges are. Boundaries give them safety, just like railings on a bridge.

Imagine crossing a bridge with no railings — you’d move hesitantly, unsure and fearful. But when there are sturdy bars on each side, you stride confidently forward.

Routines, rituals, and consistent habits are those railings for our kids. They make life predictable and safe, allowing children to surrender to sleep with confidence.

“To let the child do as he likes when he has not yet developed any powers of control is to betray the idea of freedom.”(Maria Montessori, The Absorbent Mind)

Building your bedtime “Bridge”

Did you know that there is one single & most powerful predictor of better sleep outcomes?

It is: Consistency.

A landmark study published in Sleep (Mindell et al., 2009) found that implementing a consistent bedtime routine significantly reduced sleep onset latency and night wakings in children aged 0–6.

For our family it is: dinner - bath time - book time - audio book time - bed time.

For your family it might be different.

The key, is to keep it consistent.

That’s why Bandit’s response in the Bluey episode called "Fruitbat" is so brilliant.

He doesn’t give in, threaten, or scold.

He sticks to the routine — but does so playfully.

Bandit’s Bedtime Rituals

Yep, the dog dad has it figured out and we can learn a thing or two from him:)

1️⃣ Rocket Ship (to get them upstairs):

He turns “going upstairs” into a countdown launch — engaging their imagination and cooperation. So if your little one is finding it tricky to make their way to the bathroom - turn it into a game.

2️⃣ Penguins (to get them to shower): 

To get them wet and into the bath or shower, he tempts them with a game of "penguins" (ok, so pouring water on the floor and sliding on it, isnt exactly what I would do, but the idea is simple: entice your small human to get into the bath: bubbles, bathbombs, toys).

3️⃣ Tactical Wee (to get them to use the loo and brush teeth):

The pre-bed toilet stop becomes part of a funny story....

4️⃣ Story Game to get them to tuck into their beds): 

He reads, then pretends to fall asleep mid-story — which makes the girls giggle but also settles the mood.

These tricks are rooted in connection, playfulness, and rhythm — three pillars of both Montessori and neuroscience-based parenting.

And even if your baby isn’t quite ready for rocket ships and penguins, they are already absorbing the sequence of events — bath, story, sleep — and building an internal map of safety and predictability.

Over time, this consistency makes the world feel safe.

And in that safety, they can finally let go.

And the lesson, I would love for each of us to take away:

When we, like Bandit, balance firm routines with empathy and playfulness, we teach our children that structure doesn’t cage them — it gives them wings.

Check out Bandit's excellent parenting strategies HERE

Here's to raising smarter, more confident & resilient children - and more often than not, it starts with us:)

Warmly,

Mags Salton

MA Applied Linguistics & Education

AMI Certified Montessori Assistant to Infancy

Founder of Academicus

References

• Montessori, M. (1949). The Absorbent Mind.

• Ainsworth, M. D. S. (1978). Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation.

• Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.

• Schore, A. N. (2015). Affect Regulation and the Origin of the Self: The Neurobiology of Emotional Development.

• Mindell, J. A., & Williamson, A. A. (2018). Benefits of a consistent bedtime routine in young children: Sleep, 41(2).

• Mindell, J. A., Telofski, L. S., Wiegand, B., & Kurtz, E. S. (2009). A nightly bedtime routine: Impact on sleep in young children and maternal mood. Sleep, 32(5), 599–606.