Bluey just exposed the biggest parenting trap - don't fall into it.

Mags from Academicus
Oct 20
4 min read

Updated: Nov 21

"Come on lift, we haven't got all day" says Chilli, Bluey's mum, as she wills the lift to hurry up, bring them up to their holiday apartment.

"Relax, we are on holiday", urges Bandit, Bluey's dad. And then she says the words so many of us, parents know all too well:

" I will relax, when I am on the beach, reading my book" - oblivious to the magic (and mayhem) unfolding around her.

If you are familiar with Bluey - the most fabulous didactic cartoon (which really is more for parents than kids, ehem ;) - you will know that there is a profound lesson to be learnt from this episode.

Lets discover it, shall we?

You've probably said it a million times already:

I will be happy when I...

get that promotion,
lose 5 kg,
win the lottery
start sleeping through the night
get to the beach...

Unfortunately there is a problem with this way of thinking.

It robs you of your happiness.

This is a cognitive bias that leads us to postpone our happiness, believing we will be content after a certain milestone is reached.

And yes, as parents we fall into this trap also when raising our kids. We say things like "it will be easier when they start crawling;

(...) Walking; (...)Talking; (...) When they go to uni; (...) When they get a safe job; (...) When they retire..."

Beware if it. It is dangerous and its name is: "The Arrival Fallacy" - the mistaken belief that you’ll finally be happy once you reach a certain goal or milestone — when you “arrive.”

And do you know the worst part? It turns out that the joy from achieving a goal is often temporary, and we soon move on to the next target, creating a cycle that can lead to disappointment and frustration.

Let me illustrate this a little bit better:

A few of months ago when Baby Bingo - my 3rd child - was going through a wake-every-2,5hrs-and-stay-up-for-2,5-hours-phase (he was about 2months old then), I found myself wishing the newborn phase away.

"When I get past the first three months, it will get easier", i remember thinking...

And at that moment, in my severely sleep deprived state, I had the most brilliant realization:

Raising kids is kind of like playing Super Mario.

You finally conquer one level —and BAM — you’re launched into the next.

No going back to the beginning, unless you hit GAME OVER.

Each level has its own monsters, puzzles, power-ups... and magic.

Just when you think you’ve figured your tiny human out...a developmental leap, a new skill, a sleep regression hits — and then: Welcome to the NEXT LEVEL.

That Super Mario moment made me realise: I do not get to go back to the newborn phase with Baby Bingo ever again (he is now 7 months old and I feel that my memories of the newborn phase are slowly fading...).

The moment we are in with our kids right now - this is it - this is the youngest they will ever be - and we do not get a second chance at it - sleep deprivation and all.

Instead of wishing phases away - it is time to wake up and finally appreciate what we have in front of us, and find the tools that will help us enjoy this phase.

Whichever stage you’re in —newborn snuggles, terrific twos, fabulous fours, super sixes —you don’t get to replay this level with this child.

This is it. One life. One chance to experience it.

Don’t wait for it to get “easier.”

Don’t fall into the trap of "When this phase passes, i will..."

Don’t wait for GAME OVER to realize how beautiful (and wild and messy) this level truly was.

Parenthood isn’t linear — it’s LEVELS.

Okok, knowing that doesnt make it any easier, I know.

But let me share with you my 3 POWER MOVES that will help you appreciate and thrive in the messy:

Reframe the hard:
Understand that in the midst of this turmoil - you are growing - you get to emerge from this experience stronger and more alive than ever before.
Find the magic in the mess: That smile, that cuddle, that weird little fart-laugh? Notice it. Experience it. And write it down - before it completely fades away from your memory.
Don’t wait for GAME OVER: This is your life right now — live it, love it, cry through it, grow in it.
In other words - express gratitude. When you find yourself thinking about the things you are grateful for - there will be no space left for overwhelm and frustration.

You’re not alone. Whatever level you are on is the right level for you. And you’ve got this.

...and the Arrival Fallacy?

That's exactly what it is - a fallacy - a mistaken belief - because joy and true happiness, according to this concept, come from enjoying the process and the continuous journey of growth, rather than a final destination, (For more reading check out: Psychology Today ). I have linked up the Bluey episode that teaches us about the Arrival Fallacy.